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Where did we get our current template on what relationships were supposed to be like from?

We were raised to believe man meets woman, man stays faithful to woman and woman stays faithful to man. Then after a few years of travelling, eating, arguing and fucking we come to the decision to get married and have a baby... this is the template. This is the aspiration and the epitome of 'relationship goals' right?

If that is the case then why are there 2.9 million single parent families headed by a mother in the UK and 12 million in the US?  Where are things going wrong and why?
We all have this idea of what our ideal partner is, but at some point in our journey of growing into the template which attracts such a person, something goes wrong.
Notice I said "growing into the template" and not searching. These things are happening because we are looking for attributes we do not even fully understand ourselves, in other people.

Women want a boss, a man with power and influence, with the kind of bank to buy what ever she wants. The reality of which is him spending endless amounts of time working, business meetings, flying abroad, not to mention the prying eyes of other women who can see his value. It's fun at first but after 10, 20 years later will you still feel the same? The same goes for men wanting the most attractive woman. Big tits, big arse, pretty face, confident and educated. The reality is, just like for men, there will be a waiting list for that kind of woman and she will be much more selective due to an abundance of options. And if you do manage to get into the relationship with her, will you be confident enough to deal with all the attention she will get every time she leaves the house? And after 10 to 20 years? What about after physical beauty fades? A possible affair?

What I have noticed in my past relationships is that number one, peer pressure kicks in and we some how accept this idea that we need to compromise other wise we will end up alone. But why? Where are all of these concepts coming from, who is writing the bible on 'bae goals' and colonising our hearts and minds with this nonsense? Because obviously it isn't working. The end result being a disgruntled ex and a child craving the balance and attention that comes with being raised in a successful two parent household.

So here is my perspective. I have made the mistake of compromise just like you, but this is what I have found. Each of my exes were followed by a another girlfriend who possessed the traits the last one didn't. My first girlfriend was a disloyal cheater, the anger and  betrayal made me want to inflict the same pain on somebody else. Something I did in my next relationship until that girlfriend slept with somebody and had a baby. After 5 years of being single this prompted me to ask the universe (Self) for a woman who was loyal, kind hearted, willing to accept when she was wrong and with all the other aesthetics a black man looks for in a black woman. And low and behold I found her! We were happy for a while and then things started going left. My unaddressed trauma began to come to the surface. All the pain I had buried began to spill out into our relationship and she didn't know how to react to it. I began to realise that I got what I NEEDED and not what I wanted at the time. My last ex was a culmination of everything my past girlfriends lacked in prior relationships (in her positive polarity). But in her negative polarity she represented all of the issues which needed to be drawn out of my soul, so that they maybe be transmuted in to more positive qualities that I would include in my next love. The love I intend to make my wife.

In context, when we got together I never used to talk through my emotions. I would simply close down and it really used to piss me off that she was so willing to talk through our issues. Now that we are no longer together I love that I am able to articulate my feelings to the ends of keeping communication open and honest. This is true alchemy. To change the nature of our own attributes raising the vibration so our weaknesses become strengths.

This is the nature of reality. Particles are the miniature building blocks of our universe. Our words, thoughts and feelings can all be broken down to energy. We live in an existence of near infinite possibilities. We always get what we ask for but what we ask for is a culmination of our past thoughts and fears which have super imposed themselves onto our minds. All of the things which piss you off about your ex already existed within you. Relationships continue to fail because we are not doing the necessary work within BEFORE we get into them. You cannot attract your idea of Mrs/Mr Right if you are Mr/Mrs Wrong. If you do so, your relationship will be nothing more than a learning curve sent to inform you to 'stop running from yourself.'

Strength, Wisdom and Beauty


Special Thanks to Tiffany :-)





Words from a wise one… thank you soo much.. I right in this very moment needed this.

Claudette Stewart on

Interesting article, got me thinking.

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